I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
