Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
