Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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