It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
