Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We need to get me chipped asap
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
