Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize