she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
