you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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