Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
