I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
