when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
