I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
