We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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