So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
