Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
