I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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