Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
