remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
