I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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