Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
