Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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