He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
