Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
being pregnant is like rehab
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
