So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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