My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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