Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You are a genius and a whore.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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