Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
