My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
