Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
