Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
