im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
