I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
