u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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