i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
