why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
