She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
