I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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