thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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