Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
