I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
