I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Come share oat with me in your robe
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
