Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Everything about him screamed your future.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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