So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
nutella sex= disaster
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
