I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
this is an emotional support booty call
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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