no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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