all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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