In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
