I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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