you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize