Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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