day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize