dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
