dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
