Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
