Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
