Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
