She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
