I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
