where am i from again
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
