so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
