I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
