dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize