Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
