Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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