I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
