Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
