Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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