She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
