It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize