Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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