i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize