Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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