i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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