my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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