Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
