the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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