if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
