It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
