Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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