i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
