That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
