some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He did a backflip because drugs
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