im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
