were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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