sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You're like the curious george of whores
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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