Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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