just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
