we're chasing vodka with high fives
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize