just tell him i said nine months
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
