I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
