you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There r osticjed everywhere
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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