I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
