You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize