the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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