its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
