In the future we'll all be gay
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
