LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
