Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
