so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
