i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
